Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
