And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
