he was CRYING into my vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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