i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
