what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
