i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
