Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
