She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
