Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
