so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize