New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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