good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
