He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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