The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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