Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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