I wish I could punch you in the face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
