Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
whose parrot is this?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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