i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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