it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
