I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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