im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
