forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult