I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro