Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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