I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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