I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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