I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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