Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
