It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
