This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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