I got chris browned last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
