Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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