He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
