there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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