i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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