I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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