and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
