If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
