She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
