i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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