Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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