They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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