Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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