Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
cat food counts as protein by the way
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
