i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
