it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again