Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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