the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
