I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
