What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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