Dual....:-)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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